I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
