I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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