oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
