i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
