my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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