Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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