we have pet lesbian snakes
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
