we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
