She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
she looked like the before picture.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
