Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
