So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
