dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
