It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My breath smells like gin and sadness
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
