My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
