She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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