worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
