Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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