I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
