Yo dont text me then not text me
id be glad to
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
