New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
