Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
you made out with another girl for some wings
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
