Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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