3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Drake has all the answers
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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