Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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