It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize