do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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