is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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