Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
