But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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