I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just pee around me
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
