got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
