yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
