The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
17 year olds will be the death of me.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
