my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
