I got chris browned last night
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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