Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
My feet surprised me
There are leaves in my underwear?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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