Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
