dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
