Christians are straight up FREAKS
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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