Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
i've created a new STD.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
