He kissed a someone with a penis
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
