In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize