It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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