24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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