The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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