I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
