Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize