When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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