mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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