Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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