Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize