He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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