It's like God shit irony all over that family
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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