tell your sister to shave her snatch
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
