I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I can't put those talents on a resume
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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