Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
did i just pee glitter
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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