when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
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