I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
