everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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