..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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