I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
