So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
