shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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