I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
i now understand why vodka
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
