feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
