I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
