just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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