Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
