if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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