I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
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