I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
please come you make the beer taste better
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
