she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Randomize
