I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
