Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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