when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize