I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
