PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I wish there were birth control emojis
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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