Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
false alarm, still single
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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