I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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