Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
