elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
this just has baby written all over it
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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