Buhtt sex?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
