Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Randomize
