I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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