I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
