i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
