i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
