1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
