Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
