The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
