I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
