return my video game
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
