he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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