I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
