I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
The best revenge is premature balding
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
