I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
