One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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