dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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