she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize