Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
