My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
