ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
is that a dick in a sweater?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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