You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize