sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
