The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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