I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
