nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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