I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize