I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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