The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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