I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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