sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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