I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
do herpes really smell.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
