i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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