I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
They took my balls.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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